Back in college I was taught:
"Anyone can build a bridge, but an engineer can do it with 80% less materials."
I'm keeping this in mind as I start my blueprint for the ultimate soccer player.
It would be easy to overbuild my project by piling on specifications such as:
Height: Tall enough to polish off every high cross with came his way
Weight: Sufficient to insure that he was never knocked off the ball
Speed: Blazingly fast, but still able to instantly change pace and direction
Sight: Able to see 360 degrees
Mental Capability: Just better than Franz and Johan in his ability to think
ahead not only for himself and his defender, but also for the actions of
all the team's midfielders and forwards
Foot Orientation: If I had to choose left or right, it seems to me that defenders
are more likely to go with a fake to the striker's right, so ability to finish with
the left foot is paramount. Also, it seems that the strongest defender is usually
on the defense's left side, as the opposition's best striker will usually be
found on the offense's right side. That seems logical
Skill: Slightly better than an amalgamation of all the talents of Pele, Diego, Alfredo,
Ferenc, Ronaldo and Just.
Appearance: Good looking enough to guarantee fat endorsement contracts even
in an "off" year
Linguistics: Total command of English, Spanish, French, Italian, German, Portuguese,
Dutch, Swedish, and Russian. The sponsors would appreciate the ability to
work in Japanese and Arabic as well.
Health: Ability to recover overnight from a straight legged "spikes up" takeout received
directly to the inside of the knee of the planted leg.
Finishing Ability: Guaranteed to score or directly assist one goal every game
Endurance: Ability to play ONE full minute
While the layman might demand that this ultimate striker be able to run circles around any
marking players throughout regulation and overtime, and still have enough left over to put
away a strong effort should the game go to a shoot out, my ultimate player will not need to
stay on the field past the first minute of play.
Why? Here's where the "engineering" comes in. Because I would insure that he was capable
of scoring a goal or providing a direct assist to a goal in the first minute of every game in
which he plays. From the team's point of view, this is the absolute specification.
With that one goal per game average, he will be the greatest soccer player on the planet.
Far more importantly, with soccer in it's current state, whatever team he plays for will
almost assuredly be the greatest club team on the planet. Why? Because the team which
scores first has about an 85% chance of enjoying a win or a draw. What team today has
that kind of record? Few are even close to that mark.
Looks like I've got my work cut out for me. I wonder how long it takes to become proficient in
the fine art of gene splicing? With the help of a few "Bio" engineers, I should have a prototype
ready in just a couple generations. That's about 40 years, and by that time the defensive side of
soccer will likely become even more sophisticated, so I wouldn't be surprised if average scoring
by the year 2042 was in the neighborhood of 1.56 - 0.34.***
Think of the salary and endorsements which my ultimate striker would command.
Now think about the potential "transfer fee!" We are truly talking Gross National Product numbers.
Obviously, my ultimate player will be far too valuable to be allowed to remain on the pitch after the
goal is scored in that first minute.
Mike Kimbro
Best to hit the Back Arrow Button Above, or you might go to : Visualize High Scoring Soccer
*** Sound ridiculously low? Let's compare it to World Cup '02? Looking
at the "Sweet 16", Quarterfinal, Semi-Final, and Final Rounds, these 16 matches
finished with an average score of 1.56 - 0.34. Wow, what a coincidence!