British Tan Shoes          [Part 1 of my Fashion Trilogy]

A true icon of Men's fashion, the British Union Jack flag with a pair of men's Cole Haan Copley wingtip derby oxford shoe in genuine British tan leather, image created by the author of this poem about men's fashion.

 

An original poem by Chrome Dome Mike Kimbro

 

Consider reading along to my Spoken Verse Performance.

 

 

INTRO

 

I don’t mind

 

If you call me

 

Metrosexual.

 

Just cause I’m

 

Wearing shoes which are

 

Exceptional.

 

Life’s too short

 

For footwear that’s bland.

 

That’s why…

 

I’m rockin’ British Tan.

 

 

VERSE 1

A Holiday Season ad by Swag Sports Shoes of Louisville, KY. Owned by Erwin 'Swag' Hartel, running coach and organizer for the Iroquois Hill Runners.

 

Old Swag sells sport shoes in Derby Town.

 

He also sells Dunham's, which win the comfort crown.

 

So on dress shoes I didn’t spend many dollars,

 

Cause Swag set me up nicely, in all three colors.

 

I had black, wine, and brown, which are always in vogue.

 

But while all had rounded toes, not one was a brogue.

 

Shoes in lighter hues, Ben Sherman Flynn oxfords in off white white with three laces bought at Off Broadway Shoes in Grapevine, TX, and Sperry Top Siders in nubuck with lime green soles and leather laces bought at the outlet mall in Grand Prairie, TX.

Here's the Cole Haan men's shoes which I wore the most in the year 2014, including a Cole Haan chukka in navy blue, and a olive green Cole Haan wingtip oxford of goat and calf skin.

 

VERSE 2

 

Now I yearn for cooler shoes in which to parade.

 

So I bought navy chukkas, and oxfords in grey suede.

 

My first wing tips were Cole Haans in drab olive green.

 

The next had neon soles.  OK, I'm not a Marine.

 

And while that should satisfy the average man,

 

I still didn’t have anything in British Tan.

 

 

CHORUS

 

I don’t mind

 

If you call me

 

Metrosexual.

 

Just cause I’m

 

Wearing shoes which are

 

Exceptional.

 

Life’s too short

 

For footwear that’s bland.

 

That’s why…

 

In orange, men's shoes by Bergdorf Goodman found at Neiman Marcus Last Call in Grapevine.

I’m rockin’ British Tan.

 

 

BRIDGE #1

 

It’s mid-December, so I sat myself down

 

And mailed a letter to that North Pole town.

 

Reminding Santa that it’s not naughty

 

Sporting shoes which are a tad haughty.

 

Speaking of which, my soles are wearing thin.

 

Sporting whole cut brogue treatments, and beautiful cognac with brown leather accents, here's a Magnanni style NMLC16693 from Neiman Marcus Last Call at Grapevine Mills Mall.

So the men’s shoe department is where to begin,

 

Finding a reward for my being chaste,

 

In Las Vegas.  Some would say that's a waste.

 

And while I always try to think about thrift,

 

That word does not apply when choosing my gift.

 

You can forget Saks Off Fifth, and the Nordstrom Rack,

 

Hell, all they had was camel and cognac.

 

I hit Off Broadway, like the shoe whore I am.

 

But their shades of brown didn’t pass my exam.

 

At Neiman's Last Call I pulled out my swatches,

 

Then their shoe salesmen started checking their watches.

 

They only had saddle at Burlington Coat Factory.

 

I even checked Goodwill, and the Salvation Army.

In taupe or tan, wingtip oxford brogue men's shoes with heavy burnishing, found at Sax Fifth Avenue - Off 5th Avenue in the outlet mall at Grapevine, Texas, USA.

 

So Santa, be prepared to pay a king’s ransom,

 

If you hope to score the shoes which I find handsome.

 

Take a look at the toes, to insure they are burnished.

 

That's a must for the brogues which I am furnished.

 

If I had more inductions in the 'nice' list,

 

Goodyear welt construction is what I'd insist.

 

While 'perforations' may not sound very lyrical,

 

You'll need lots to complete this Christmas Miracle.

In British tan calf skin, a fine pair of Cole Haan Air Giraldo Wingtip Oxford men's shoes.

 

And so my kicks can cover all of the bases,

 

Might I request they have 3 different laces.

 

And, unless my stocking will be filled with coal,

 

I'd like to be walking on rubber tap soles.

 

Now Santa, I don’t mean to sound ungrateful.

 

But if “British Tan” isn't on the label,

 

The shoe box label from a pair of men's Cole Haan brand Coley Wingtip Derby shoes in the color of British Tan which I bought from Amazon.com.

 

Of the box which holds my Yuletide Treat,

 

Please, be a peach, and include a gift receipt.

Various belts which match nicely with British tan mens shoes. Photo taken at Neiman Marcus Last Call in Grapevine, TX.

 

And if you really want my heart to melt,

 

Go ahead and throw in a matching belt.  ;~)

 

 

CHORUS

 

I don’t mind

 

If you call me

 

Metrosexual.

 

Just cause I’m

 

Wearing shoes which are

 

Exceptional.

 

Life’s too short

 

In cognac, a men's penny loafer shoe from the Saks Fifth Avenue Black Collection of men's footwear collection, at Off 5th Ave.

For footwear that’s bland.

 

That’s why…

 

I’m rockin’ British Tan.

 

 

VERSE 3

 

I opened the shoe box, and felt like a toddler.

 

Could these be the work of a world class cobbler?

 

I chose socks with bold patterns, which I'm told are chic.

 

Then I rolled up my cuffs, to give the ladies a peak.

 

Pic of a pair of British Tan Ignacio model chelsea boots by Vince Camuto shoes. This is the lightest shade of British Tan which I came across in researching this poem.

And the attention from the girls made me feel super.

 

Surely, this is what it's like to be Bradley Cooper?!?

 

 

VERSE 4

 

But then I noticed something which made me feel weird.

 

Nods and winks from the females AND guys with full beards.

 

But the glances from the guys were not flirtations.

 

Because what's behind them was admiration.

 

Saying "Nice kicks!", "Well done!" and "You da man!"

 

Well, I'm hoping most were from fellow footwear fans.

Here's Mercanti Fiorentini brogue men's shoes in golf tan, which appear to be an exclusive offering of DSW Designer Shoe Warehouse.

 

 

VERSE 5

 

Life was so much simpler, just last Spring.

 

Before fashion footwear became my thing.

 

Why was the Aria one of my stops?

 

Why did I stroll Crystals’ City Center shops?

 

Had misfortune found me, exploring Sin City?

 

Hell no, I’m thinking it was serendipity.

 

 

Pic of Cole Haan slit toe dress shoes in British Tan, the model Collen Apron Ox II.

CHORUS

 

I don’t mind

 

If you call me

 

Metrosexual.

 

Just cause I’m

 

Wearing shoes which are

 

Exceptional.

 

Life’s too short

 

For footwear that’s bland.

 

That’s why…

 

I’m rockin’ British Tan.

 

 

The Stinson model kick by shoemaker Clark is a rubber sole chukka in the wheat color of leather.

BRIDGE #2

 

While it's not smart to talk about race.

 

It occurred to me this might be a case

 

Of whitey emulating the brother man.

 

But, in suede, the cobblers call it 'wheat'.

 

And IMHO it's not quite as sweet,

 

Or as stimulating as British Tan.

 

In a British Tan finish, here's a pair of Cole Haan Williams Cap Toe shoes for men.

 

Now I'm not saying that my taste is better,

 

But try them on, and you'll see what I mean.

 

Then, like Stevie and Paul, we'll raise our voices together,

 

In a chorus of "God Save The Queen."

 

 

CHORUS

 

I don’t mind

 

If you call me

 

Metrosexual.

 

In tan, a pair of Johnson and Murphy Harding Panel men's shoes.

Just cause I’m

 

Wearing shoes which are

 

Exceptional.

 

Life’s too short

 

For footwear that’s bland.

 

That’s why…

 

I’m rockin’ British Tan.

 

 

BRIDGE #3

 

In leather of the walnut hue, here's a pair of Allen Edmonds Strands Wingtip Oxford men's shoes.

I've got a clever plan

 

For when I get older.

 

And feel The Reaper's hand

 

Rest upon my shoulder.

 

 

 

I'll glance at his footwear,

 

Then ask:  "Walnut or British Tan?"

 

He'll grunt and then declare:

 

"Walnut.  I'm an Allen Edmonds man!"

 

 

An Allen Edmonds shoe horn which I photographed while working as a shoe salesman at Swags Sport Shorts in Louisville, Kentucky.

 

 

I'll say: "Dude, I knew it.  Good taste I respect!

 

You know, we shoe whores should stick together."

 

But he sees right through it, in fact he suspects,

 

I'm wearing Phat Farm's, with synthetic leather.

 

 

I'll say:  "Guess you've got me.  What can I do?"

 

A selfie by the author preparing to venture out into the Las Vegas evening while rocking a cool pair of british tan mens shoes by the designer brand Cole Haan.

Wondering how he perceived my pretension.

 

But, he'd seen my finances, so he knew,

 

I could barely afford to pay attention.

 

 

The Reaper then suggests something more suitable.

 

But oxfords and chukkas are all that I own.

 

And I'm sad to say his logic's irrefutable.

 

Boots would be better in fire and brimstone.

 

 

And the moral of the story is...

 

 

Now boy and girls, spend more time in church pews.

 

Learning lessons about about love, and morality.

 

Don't spend your Sunday mornings polishing your shoes.

 

Even if, to British tan, you've got a partiality.

 

 

CLOSEOUT    (borrowing heavily from John Miles' song "Music")

 

Cole Haan shoe polish cream for shoes in british tan shades of leather.

I’m not trying to disparage

 

Any other hue or style.

 

But a brogue in the tan that's British

 

Is the shoe which makes me smile.

 

 

THE END

 

 

Copyright © Michael Kimbro 2014. All rights reserved.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Photo of a pair of cowboy boots in British Tan, taken at the Cash America Pawn Shop on Harry Hines Blvd in Dallas, Texas.