Chrome Dome Mike Kimbro

Haikus

 

Petite Poems by Chrome Dome Mike Kimbro

 

Structure:  The standard Japanese 3 line format:  5 syllables, 7 syllables, and 5 syllables.

 

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A Car Guy's "Not That Into You" Rephrase 

This relationship haiku was inspired by research into the Mitsubishi Mirage, which currently offers the best gas mileage of any non-hybrid car. Looking over the original window sticker, I noticed the term Anti-Theft Engine Immobilizer listed under 'Safety & Security Features'. Thanks to Google, my curiosity was quickly satisfied, and this little poem followed.

 

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An Armed Teacher Lament 

Inspired by the move to arm our nation's teachers after the Parkland massacre.

 

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The Trent Lott Blues 

Inspired by an incident in 2002, quoting from a Time Magazine article:

 

"Lott has been under fire since last week, when he declared that his state was proud to have voted for Strom Thurmond's segregationist ticket in 1948. "And if the rest of the country had followed our lead," Lott added in remarks at Thurmond's 100th birthday party, "we wouldn't have had all these problems over the years either." Lott has since apologized, and on Thursday, President Bush said the apology was deserved. "Any suggestion that the segregated past was acceptable or positive is offensive and it is wrong," Bush declared."

 

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The German Engine Sound Simulator Shuffle

The Soundaktor engine sound generator by Volks Wagen. It's a speaker mounted under the hood of certain cars to make them sound and feel sporty.

Inspired by a Popular Mechanics article in their August 2012 issue about the electronic audio devices used by Germans and Japanese car makers to produce simulated engine noise, including speakers mounted in the engine compartment and engine soundtracks played over the car's stereo.

 

Assuming that this practice is kosher in a world where computers simulate both the battlefield experience for our youth and the slot machine experience for the older crowd, it's easy to extend this practice to piping the sounds of birds chirping out over your back porch in the early morning hours.  Or maybe simulated bed spring squeaking to give a more 'old school' feel to love making sessions on today's deathly quiet luxury mattresses.  :~)

 

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The Second Smiling Technique Twist

Hey, it's always nice to master a new skill.  Particularly if you feel that sincerity is highly overrated.  And don't be surprised if you begin to recognize the "second smile" being employed on a regular basis, because it's not new, it's just new to me.  The give away, at least with yours truly, is in the eyes.  Usually the mouth smiles and pulls the eyes along with it.  But with the second smile, the eyes squint first, which sets up the easy lifting of the upper lip.  Meanwhile, the lower lip remains straight, concealing the lower teeth.  All I need now, for the high beam effect of a Steve Harvey smile, is a pearly set of dentures.

 

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The Improvisation Gyration

Next time a poet excitedly recites a new masterpiece, give him or her your best 2nd smile and then say:  "That sounded improvised.  Was it?"  And then watch the color drain from their face.  While artists are eager for the term "improvised" to suggest true genius, they are all too aware that it also implies sloppiness, maybe a lack of seriousness and definitely an unwillingness to acknowledge genius' time proven 90% - 10% formula.  So, if it's obvious that an artist is slackin' in his commitment to his art, feel free to use this approach to call them on it.  (Assuming, of course, that the artist is living the dream, calling his own shots, and doing exactly what he or she wants without compromise.  Otherwise, the "walk a mile in my shoes" approach is probably preferred.)

 

 

 

Cheers.