Doughnut Shop Baker          [Part 1 of my Culinary trilogy]

 

Image Credit:  Featuring the custom made, of a kind, TONGUE donut, this donut assortment was prepared for me by the good folks at Sweet Spot Donuts & Drinks in Grapevine, Texas.

A comedy poem by Chrome Dome Mike Kimbro

 

Read along to my Spoken Verse Performance!

 

 

VERSE 1  

 

Man, we’ve got nothing here for breakfast.

 

Let's get dressed and stop by “Doughnut Planet”.

 

A chocolate twist, blueberry cake,

 

Raspberry filled glazed are my favorite.

 

Plus I’ll need a sprinkle and,

 

We can’t forget pigs in a blanket.

 

 

VERSE 2

 

This guy's got the ideal business model.

 

Just try not to call him oriental.

 

So complex and yet so simple.

 

Perfected by folks from Korea.

 

High gains from low capital,

 

While crafting a true panacea.

 

 

BRIDGE 1

 

Stand up...

 

Sir, please take a bow.

 

And take...

 

Our money right now.

 

Before...

 

You close at one o’clock in the afternoon.

 

Don’t you know that you’re spreading,

 

So much joy from that strip mall store?

 

Donut Shop Baker.

 

 

VERSE 3

 

This meal wasn’t prescribed by my doctor.

 

There’s sugar, fat, and carbs, but not much fiber.

 

While I'll admit that I’m amazed,

 

By this heavenly aroma,

 

But feed me a couple pumpkin glazed,

 

And watch me slide into a coma.

 

 

BRIDGE 2

 

Tell us…

 

How you stay so slim.

 

You must…

 

Work out at the gym.

 

I have...

Image Credit:  LebowskiFest.com, the #1 site for the movie "The Big Lebowski".              

To loosen,

 

My belt at the sight of an éclair.

 

How is it that you keep from,

 

Weighing in at 400 pounds…

 

Doughnut Shop Baker.

 

 

VERSE 4

 

Inspiration comes from California.

 

"The Donut Licker", thanks to Ariana.

 

Ms. Grande impressed her boy toy,

 

By acting really idiotic.

 

A hidden camera caught their ploy.

 

Profane, and unpatriotic.

 

 

 

 

CHORUS 3

 

You caught...

 

Their stupidity.

 

Then what?...

 

On to T. M. Z.!!!!!

 

 

How 'bout...

 

A new sign

 

That'll cut down on bad behavior:

 

"No Brains, No Shoes, No Service."

 

Now you're a true celebrity...

 

Donut Shop Baker

 

 

 

 

 

BRIDGE 3

 

I know you fry.

 

But you fry so well.

 

If that’s a crime,

 

We’ll see old Colonel Sanders’,

 

Whiskered face in hell.

 

 

 

 

 

 

BRIDGE 4

 

Late to work…

 

Just in from a night of 'horning'.          [Def.:  That which one does when horny.]

 

What a jerk…

 

Boss issued me a warning.

 

But when he finally does get wise,

 

To all these weaknesses I hide,

 

And H.R. drops the guillotine,

 

At least I’ll have a place to spend my mornings.

 

 

CLIMAX & CLOSE

 

To those…

 

On the low carb craze.

 

You know…

 

That it’s just a phase.

 

This guy…

 

Gives good glaze.

 

I can’t…

 

Offer higher praise.

 

Hey Dude…

 

Why not step it up.

 

And do…

 

Something radical.

 

Like say…

 

“A Rosemary Twist”.

 

But not…

 

“A Tuna Filled”.

 

That would…

 

Be gross.

 

Man, just feast your eyes,

 

On that assortment.

 

How can I think of improving,

 

On that which is perfection.

 

Doughnut Shop Baker.

 

Doughnut Shop Baker.

 

Doughnut Shop Baker.

 

 

The End.

 

 

Keywords:  Poems about donuts, Breakfast food poetry, Song lyrics about donuts, Poems about Ariana Grande, Poems about pastries, Poems about Wolfee Donuts in Lake Elsinore, CA, An ode to donut shops, Poems inspired by the song lyrics to "Guardian Angel" by The Brothers Dimm band, Better living through malicious prosecution awards and settlements.

 

Chrome Dome Mike parodies the Lake Elsinore Independence Day Donut Licking Incident.

 

Here's the author reenacting the infamous Donut Licking Incident which took place on July 4th, 2015 Lake Elsinore, California.