London Whaling        Part 1 of my Business Trilogy

Image Credit:  Magazine comic on the subject of the infamous London Whale at JP Morgan Chase Bank

 

Song lyrics by Chrome Dome Mike Kimbro

 

A relyric of the song “London Calling” by The Clash, by Joe Strummer and Mick Jones

 

Read along to my Spoken Verse Performance!

 

 

VERSE 1
 
London whaling.
 
Let me tell you a tale.
 
About a bank’s top trader,
 
Who refused to fail.
 
 
VERSE 2
 
London whaling.
 
His boss was a "heel".   [Note:  his name…Achilles!]
 
Inept or just maybe,   
 
Asleep at the wheel?
 
 
VERSE 3
 
London whaling.
 
The rules can be twirled.
 
'Cause there ain’t no regulation,
 
Which governs the world.
 
 
VERSE 4
 
London Whaling.
 
How’d they loose all those Francs?
 
Surely they learned
 
From those Icelandic banks.
 
 
CHORUS 1
 
This bad news is causing
 
a press allergy.
 
When asked for comment,
 
Just three words: “C’est La Vie”.
 
Loosing six billion,
 
It’s not viewed a sin.
 
No time spent in prison,
 
Because no laws were broken.
 
 
VERSE 5
 
London whaling.
 
From an engineering school.
 
Ascended banking,
 
But now he’s a tool.
 
 
VERSE 6
 
London whaling.
 
Shoulda put women in charge.
 
Chicks wouldn’t let
 
Them loose six million ‘large’.     [Note:  large is slang for $1,000]
 
 
VERSE 7
 
London whaling.
 
Why were those billions spent?
 
To answer I give you
 
A new term:  "Escoment".       [Def.:  Escalation of Commitment]
 
 
VERSE 8
 
London whaling.
 
So you think that I'm rude.
 
Admit that you love
 
Volatility, dude.
 
 
CHORUS 2
 
Six bill’s ain’t a zinger,
 
So what's you crying for?
 
Barely a stinger.
 
They could have lost much more.
 
So what do we have here?
 
It's not like he stole.
 
It's more like in soccer,

 

When they score an own goal.

 
 
VERSE 9 - with verse 7 structure
 
London whaling.
 
No, Ron Paul wouldn’t care.
 
Cause government action
 
Is anti laissez faire.
 
 
VERSE 10 - with verse 8 structure
 
London whaling.
 
What’s the screaming about?
 
Accept that in time 
 
It all averages out.
 
 
CHORUS 3
 
It’s probably a worst case.
 
No one’s dieing, thus,
 
We can now replace,
 
Horse sense with calculus.
 
The stockholders excrete.
 
The press sees the plot.
 
The problem’s the C-Suite,

 

Where they love a jackpot.

 

 
VERSE 11 - with verse 7 structure
 
London whaling.
 
Commissioned traders know
 
That collecting charge backs
 
Is hard once you're let go.
 
 
VERSE 12 - with verse 8 structure
 
London whaling,
 
Still he's no one's 'itchbay'.         [Note: Remember pig latin?]
 
Expect a return
 
In the Boazic way.
 
 
CHORUS 4
 
So what have we learned here?
 
They won't call the cops,
 
Loosing six 'milliards',                  [Def.: 1 billion in the British long scale system]
 
With credit-default swaps.
 
Earn privatized profits,
 
Yet socialized losses.
 
And all those deposits,

 

Sweet…For Bruno and his bosses.

 
 
VERSE 13
 
Let's wind down!
 
London Whaling.
 
Man, where to go next?
 
Try New York, like Henry.
 
Yeah, there you’ll get respect!
 
 
RIP Wreath for Bruno the London Whale
VERSE 14
 
London whaling.
 
Should we order some wreaths?
 
You should chill out,
 
Even Howie still breathes.
 
 

 

Note:  Many thanks to my son Marshall for his technical inspiration and illumination.

 

Article by Marcy Gordon of the Associated Press about the London Whale situation within the JP Morgan Chase Bank.  The article was published in the September 20, 2013 issue of the business section of the Dallas Morning News.

 

 

 

Keywords:  Poems about Financial Securities Trading, JP Morgan Chase Bank Chief Investment Office, London Whale, Bruno Michel Iksil, Achilles Macri, Jamie Dimon, Ina Drew, Poems about Trading Securities Derivatives, London Calling parodies, Poems about business.