“Open Marriage Blues”

 

A poem by Chrome Dome Mike Kimbro

 

Read along to my Spoken Verse Performance!

 

 

VERSE 1

 

It’s been ten years since

 

We honeymooned up in Niagra.

 

How I made you sing, when we got it on.

 

 

Now it makes me wince.

 

That we once spooned without Viagra.

 

Quoting B.B. King:  “The thrill sure is gone.”

 

 

VERSE 2

 

After a short estrangement

 

We came to an arrangement

 

To save our troubled relationship.

 

 

FYI, the term is ‘Open’.

 

And if you can’t imagine.

 

Just listen up and you’ll get hip.

 

 

CHORUS

 

Now I see other ladies

 

And she dates other guys.

 

Whenever we’re so inclined.

 

Know that a better way is easy to find.

 

When you’ve got an open mind.

 

 

VERSE 3

 

I’m not trying to disparage

 

The institution of marriage

 

It’s a cornerstone of society.

 

 

But I couldn’t even play,

 

Without Cialis everyday.

 

And that caused a lot of anxiety.

 

 

CHORUS

 

Now I see other ladies

 

And she dates other guys.

 

Whenever we’re so inclined.

 

Know that a better way is easy to find.

 

When you’ve got an open mind.

 

 

VERSE 4

 

In my heart I will salute ya,

 

Go on explore the Kama Sutra.

 

The thought of you happy makes me smile.

 

 

But it's our bed y'all are using

 

And in my mind there's no excusing

 

Any changes to my firmness setting dial.

 

 

CHORUS

 

Now I see other ladies

 

And she dates other guys.

 

Whenever we’re so inclined.

 

Know that a better way is easy to find.

 

When you’ve got an open mind.

 

 

VERSE 5

 

I know that when there’s sweat

 

The sheets are gonna get wet

 

From the hot lovin’ that you’re getting.

 

 

But while the sheets can be dried

 

One thing I can't abide

 

Is a change to my firmness setting.

 

 

CHORUS

 

Now I see other ladies

 

And she dates other guys.

 

Whenever we’re so inclined.

 

Know that a better way is easy to find.

 

When you’ve got an open mind.

 

 

VERSE 6

 

On a cruise you met the captain.

 

Then got a full tour of his cabin.

 

But he promised to visit, as you disembarked.

 

 

But if old Ahab ever shows.

 

Before he calls out "Thar she blows".

 

Tell him the firmness number should stay parked.

 

 

CHORUS

 

Now I see other ladies

 

And she dates other guys.

 

Whenever we’re so inclined.

 

Know that a better way is easy to find.

 

When you’ve got an open mind.

 

 

VERSE 7

 

Go on and have your fling.

 

But baby here’s the thing…

 

I’ve got my side set up for slumber.

 

 

The other players in your tryst

 

Will feel the fury of my fist

 

If they ever change my sleep number.

 

 

CHORUS

 

Now I see other ladies

 

And she dates other guys.

 

Whenever we’re so inclined.

 

Know that a better way is easy to find.

 

When you’ve got an open mind.

 

 

VERSE 8

 

So we sit down for dinner

 

And you say I’m somewhat thinner

 

Than your boyfriend from Tennessee

 

 

While he might be from Nashville

 

I'm gonna take him straight to 'Smashville'

 

If my sleep number moves off of “Sixty-Three”.

 

 

CHORUS

 

Now I see other ladies

 

And she dates other guys.

 

Whenever we’re so inclined.

 

Know that a better way is easy to find.

 

When you’ve got an open mind.

 

 

VERSE 9

 

You met a guy from Manhattan.

 

Whose great grandpa was George Paton.

 

And his hair was nicely quaffed.

 

 

But I’m likely to smother.

 

That insignificant other.

 

If my mattress side has gotten soft.

 

 

CHORUS

 

Now I see other ladies

 

And she dates other guys.

 

Whenever we’re so inclined.

 

Know that a better way is easy to find.

 

When you’ve got an open mind.

 

 

VERSE 10

 

So you've found a guy whose taller.

 

And is also a Rhodes Scholar.

 

I'm a fan of those Oxford ties.

 

 

But if your buddy should conspire

 

To turn the firmness any higher.

 

He'll soon have pennies on his eyes.

 

 

CHORUS

 

Now I see other ladies

 

And she dates other guys.

 

Whenever we’re so inclined.

 

Know that a better way is easy to find.

 

When you’ve got an open mind.

 

 

VERSE 11

 

During a trip to Malibu

 

I’m told you happily ran into

 

A guy who rides the wild surf.

 

 

While he looks good hanging five,

 

If that sleep number takes a dive,

 

He’ll wind up six feet below the turf.

 

 

CHORUS

 

Now I see other ladies

 

And she dates other guys.

 

Whenever we’re so inclined.

 

Know that a better way is easy to find.

 

When you’ve got an open mind.

 

 

VERSE 12

 

I've got nothing bad to say,

 

About inter-generational play.

 

Hell, my favorite feline is the cougar.

 

 

Let them display their youthful fitness,

 

But if they screw around with the firmness,

 

It might be time to redeem my Ruger.

 

 

CHORUS

 

Now I see other ladies

 

And she dates other guys.

 

Whenever we’re so inclined.

 

Know that a better way is easy to find.

 

When you’ve got an open mind.

 

 

VERSE 13

 

So your new flame is European

 

A camera man for ESPN

 

And he worked at the last World Cup.

 

 

While I'm sure he's a good sport.

 

His time on Earth will be cut short.

 

If he turns that firmness setting up.

 

 

CHORUS

 

Now I see other ladies

 

And she dates other guys.

 

Whenever we’re so inclined.

 

Know that a better way is easy to find.

 

When you’ve got an open mind.

 

 

VERSE 14Copy of an ad for a Sleep Number bed.

 

Now you see a preacher man.

 

Who does the laying on of hands.

 

Guess you didn't mention your marital tie?!?

 

 

But if he handles my remote.

 

With mine own hand I'm gonna smote.

 

Then you can meet him in the sweet by and by.

 

 

CHORUS

 

Now I see other ladies

 

And she dates other guys.

 

Whenever we’re so inclined.

 

Know that a better way is easy to find.

 

When you’ve got an open mind.

 

The End.

 

 

Keywords:  Open Marriage poetry, Poems about Extramarital Relations, Sleep Number Bed poem.