To Peel, Or Not to Peel?

 

Original poetry by Chrome Dome Mike Kimbro

 

Please read along to my Spoken Verse Performance.

 

 

 

VERSE 1

 

Listen guys and gals, to the wisdom I impart,

 

'Bout the person that you think is really cute.

 

Best be careful not to give up your heart,

 

Til you watch them eat some kiwi fruit.

 

 

VERSE 2

 

Were my girl and I the perfect pair?

 

Well, we did have sex in six cities.

 

'Knock down, drag outs' were pretty rare,

 

But she did have a few eccentricities.

 

 

VERSE 3

 

Then came the worst, as a salad was prepared,

 

The strangest thing my eyes had beholded.

 

While it's not my aim to make you feel scared,

 

I'm wishing now that I was blindfolded,

 

As it unfolded...

 

 

Chrome Dome Mike putting the stink eye on a couple kiwi fruit which are sitting on his counter top in Louisville, Kentucky.

CHORUS

 

She gobbled down a monkey ball.

 

The thought of it makes my skin crawl.

 

Yeah, it might sound unreal,

 

That she didn't take the time to peel,

 

When she gobbled down a monkey ball.

 

 

VERSE 4

 

Hey, it's not like I only eat nectarines,

 

Claiming peaches have way too much fuzz.

 

But it was the grossest thing that I'd ever seen.

 

That ever will be, or that ever was.

 

Simply because....

 

 

CHORUS

 

She gobbled down a monkey ball.

 

The thought of it makes my skin crawl.

 

Yeah, it might sound unreal,

 

That she didn't take the time to peel,

 

When she gobbled down a monkey ball.

 

 

VERSE 5

 

I knew then we were headed for a breakup,

 

Because some differences you can't reconcile.

 

And if her side you're about to take up,

 

First make sure you've seen her eating style.

 

 

CHORUS

 

She gobbled down a monkey ball.

 

The thought of it makes my skin crawl.

 

Yeah, it might sound unreal,

 

That she didn't take the time to peel,

 

When she gobbled down a monkey ball.

 

 

BRIDGE

 

Do I battle regrets for going berserk?

 

Of course, I do.

 

But I really did try to make things work,

 

After suspecting that we were through.

 

 

At first, we tried couples therapy.

 

The shrink studied her technique carefully,

 

Then agreed that she was crazy as hell.

 

 

After Sunday mass, of a priest I did implore,

 

Surely he had seen some weirdness before.

 

But he suggested we call in an exorcist.

 

 

We consulted a wise man from the Orient,

 

Who believed her faux pas to be an accident,

 

Until she said: "No, I eat 'em that way all the time."

 

 

We starred on the show of the good Dr. Phil,

 

Who initially thought that I should probably chill.

 

Until I showed him the evidence, which was graphic.

 

 

A guru suggested we look to The Buddha.

 

But he made a face like he ate some bad gouda,

 

When those kiwi fruits didn't get peeled.

 

 

Her preacher concurred with my assessment.

 

Then delivered a message from the Old Testament.

 

Yeah, he said I had the patience of Job.

 

 

I called in for advice from Joel Osteen.

 

He agreed that her practice was, at best, unclean.

 

Then he asked why I was hanging around.

 

 

We communed with that cool brother Harvey.

 

But Steve was appalled, and thought she was a carni.

 

Then he gave her a cruise, but only one way.

 

 

We both found Gwyneth Paltrow to be adorable,

 

But in our meet, she used the word deplorable,

 

To describe the eating habits of my ex.

 

 

We embraced the mysteries of the Torah,

 

A rabbi confirmed that I should say: "Sayonara",

 

After learning of her eating habits.

 

 

We even sought out wisdom from the Koran,

 

But their holy man assumed that I was a moron.

 

He said: "Dude, what are you, some kind of martyr?!?"

 

 

VERSE 6

 

So keep this in mind, out on the first date,

 

When discussing the nutritional benefits,

 

Of a small exotic fruit which is oval in shape,

 

If you don't establish the right etiquette,

 

Here's what you'll get...

 

 

CHORUS

 

They'll gobble down a monkey ball.

 

The thought of it makes my skin crawl.

 

While it might sound unreal,

 

That they shouldn't take the time to peel.

 

You're gonna stop thinking that it's no big deal,

 

When they gobble down those monkey balls.

 

 

CLOSE OUT

 

So whether your date is a Pisces or a Cancer,

 

At some point, before you seal the deal.

 

There is one query that you'll want them to answer:

 

"To peel, or not to peel?"

 

 

The End

 

 

Copyright Michael Kimbro 2017.  All rights reserved.

 

 

Keywords:  Poems about kiwi fruits, Passion fruit poetry.