In TV Poker, Hats, Caps, and Sunglasses Have Got To Go!!!


Prediction: Poker players use of hats, caps, & sunglasses in Television poker competitions will soon end!

I'm a self described "Casual American Sports Fan" who will watch just about anything which might entertain me.  Over the last few months I've noted the increase in the number of poker competitions on television.  Last weekend I happened upon the Heads Up Poker Championship.  As a novice poker viewer, I was much more interested in the personalities over the contents of the hands being played.  Things were pretty interesting right up to the final, which featured two gentlemen who were dressed head to toe in black and wore sunglasses and hats.  There was no real drama, and the only personality being shown by either player was Hellmuth's noisily fumbling with the chips, and there was the time he threw himself onto the floor when lady luck didn't look kindly in his direction.  These were counterbalanced by the fact that Phil had his legs drawn up under his chair for the entire match bringing to mind the geekiest member of a high school chess club.

It was all too obvious to me that the final between Darth Hellmuth and Hop-Along Ferguson would have been much more enjoyable if sunglasses had been outlawed, and even better if cowboy hats and caps were outlawed as well.

Hey y'all, it's time for a challenge!  Two of the following photos are NOT of poker players.  Pick them out and instantly receive total enlightenment:

Photo of Giordano

Photo of Martens

Photo of Pastor

Photo of Mizrachi

Photo of Hellmuth

Photo of Fanny Crosby, composer of numerous hymns.

Photo of Donaldson

Photo of Kim

Photo of Westerlund

And as for regulating the wearing of black...I do understand that a large portion of our population wouldn't be able to dress themselves if wearing black head to toe were to be outlawed.  Sorry, but I'm just a product of the '70's.  What does that mean?  Living in the '70's one had to develop a certain fashion self confidence in order to survive.  To really understand what I mean, watch any episode of TV's "Mary Tyler Moore Show", and then close your eyes and imagine the show redone with every character dressed head to toe in black.

Anyway, it's all about the show, and let's face it, poker on TV will be better when we can actually see every player's "poker face."  As poker tournaments flood the media, the #1 poker provider will cease to tolerate the poker player's use of sunglasses and headwear to conceal focus and expression.

Finally, if the producers are ready to take the game to the next entertainment level, it's time to introduce a monitor for the benefit of the TV audience which displays each player's pulse rate and blood pressure.  Now that would be cool, particularly in the finals.  Of course this "bio-monitor" would be sponsored by a company which markets a heart friendly product, like say Morton Lite-Salt to help lower blood pressure, Quaker Oats to help control cholesterol levels, Bally Total Fitness for overall well being, or even Viagra, for obvious reasons.

Bottom line:  there's more the producers can do to increase the game's appeal aside from making more prominent the presence of Ms Shana Hiatt, pictured below.


Mike "Old Shifty Eyes" Kimbro


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Photos borrowed from World Poker Tour web site: