A Beer Stein Poem                   [Part 3 of my Beverages Trilogy]

 

A poem by Chrome Dome Mike Kimbro

 

Consider reading along to my Spoken Verse Performance.

 

 

VERSE 1

 

A chick I met at a bar in Charleston,

 

Enjoyed her drinks from a beer stein.

 

That left little doubt as to her country of origin.

 

She had to be a 'nova' or a fraulein.

 

 

VERSE 2

 

But, in fact, she hailed from Boston, Mass.

 

So I asked: "What's up with the covered tankard?

 

Most enjoy their beer from a 20 oz glass.

 

Besides, flipping that lid has got to be awkward."

 

 

VERSE 3

 

She said: "You can laugh at my ceramic chalice,

 

I don't care if it looks kind of goofy.

 

I'm taking steps to insure that the foulest,

 

Of humanity can't slip me a roofie."

 

 

CHORUS

 

So listen out there,

 

Cause my words are true.

 

If you give a care,

 

What happens to you,

 

At the club, amongst all sorts of swine.

 

You better start drinking from a beer stein.

 

 

VERSE 4

 

But the same holds true for cocktails and wine,

 

Which can also be spiked by some turd.

 

Your dry martini will be safer in a stein,

 

No matter if it's shaken or it's stirred.

 

 

VERSE 5

 

So as you're out there on the dance floor,

 

Here's a question: "Did you put down the lid?"

 

If the answer's yes, go on and dance some more,

 

But if in doubt, you better make sure that you did.

 

 

CHORUS

 

So listen out there,

 

Cause my words are true.

 

If you give a care,

 

What happens to you,

 

At the club, amongst all sorts of swine.

 

You better start drinking from a beer stein.

 

 

VERSE 6

 

One cloudy morning you wake up around noon,

 

After a blackout, so you're the only suspect.

 

That's when you learn that males are not immune,

 

To the despair caused by Rohypnol's effect.

 

 

VERSE 7

 

"The Hangover" film is a well done documentary,

 

Of a crime too often is swept under the rug.

 

While Mike Tyson's role rendered it 'elementary'.

 

It's still a case study of the date rape drug.

 

 

VERSE 8

 

So if your girl friend's ex comes into town.

 

And asks that y'all get together to drink and dine.

 

Even at the risk of looking like a clown,

 

Keep your beverages tamper free within a beer stein.

 

 

CHORUS

 

So listen out there,

 

Cause my words are true.

 

If you give a care,

 

What happens to you,

 

At the club, amongst all sorts of swine.

 

You better start drinking from a beer stein.

 

 

VERSE 9

 

Legend says that King Arthur and Sir Lancelot,

 

Searched high and low for the famed holy grail.

 

I searched through Craigslist, where all 6 grails were bought.

 

Now their lids both preserve and protect my ale.

 

 

VERSE 10

 

But these monstrosities can inspire backbiting.

 

Some might suggest that you could be compensating.

 

But here's a pearl of wisdom, which I'm copyrighting:

 

"The measure of a man is found in his hydrating."

 

 

VERSE 11

 

Confirmation was requested by a hot lass,

 

About, you know, the size of a man's drinking vessel.

 

I smiled and said: "Well, I'm not holding a shot glass."

 

She took me home, and we proceeded to wrestle.

 

 

CHORUS

 

So listen out there,

 

Cause my words are true.

 

If you give a care,

 

What happens to you,

 

At the club, amongst all sorts of swine.

 

You better start drinking from a beer stein.

 

 

VERSE 12

 

After hearing my case, you can't ignore the threat.

 

So, do you have sufficient roofie protection?

 

I'm thinking that 3 steins is the number to get.

 

But 2 more constitutes A beer stein collection.

 

The End

 

Copyright © Michael Kimbro 2017.  All rights reserved.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Following is the remainder of my beer stein collection, all of which I bartered off in 2017, in exchange for the tree trimming services.