I Could Have Played Khan

 

An original poem by Chrome Dome Mike Kimbro

 

Inspired, in part, by this open letter to J.J. Abrams

 

Consider reading along to my Spoken Verse Performance.

 

 

VERSE 1

 

In Star Trek, the original series,

 

Was a really complicated villain.

 

His spare time spent mastering scientific theories.

 

While mine's wasted on poetry and chillin'.

 

 

VERSE 2

 

This Southern Asian, whose name was Khan.

 

Benefited from chromosome manipulation.

 

He battled adversaries, while stifling a yawn.

 

While I battle, at most, constipation.

 

 

CHORUS

 

I could have played Khan,

 

I could have played Khan,

 

If they can cast an Arian,

 

Who looks like a librarian,

 

And speaks like his name is Sean.

 

Then I sure as hell could have played Khan.

 

 

VERSE 3

 

Khan saw his clan to be a cut above.

 

Playing foes and friends like a symphony.

 

The women he dated always wound up in love.

 

While my dates are motivated by sympathy.

 

 

VERSE 4

 

This character was played with precision,

 

By the Mexican actor Ricardo Montalbahn.

 

But a Webster and Weisberg casting decision,

 

Put a Sherlock Holmes type in the role of Khan.

 

 

VERSE 5

 

If you need an example of exactly what I mean,

 

Departing from "Sun's Out, Gun's Out" should be enough?!?

 

And his mug was blackened out during the big fight scene.

 

A face that long can't be made to look tough.

 

 

CHORUS

 

I could have played Khan,

 

I could have played Khan,

 

If they can cast an Arian,

 

Who looks like a librarian,

 

And speaks like his name is Sean.

 

Then I sure as hell could have played Khan.

 

 

VERSE 6

 

Some say that Khan was penned to be Indian,

 

So the natural choice would come out of Bollywood.

 

His native tongue might very well be Dravidian.

 

But that would make too much sense for Hollywood.

 

 

VERSE 7

 

What are the consequences of miscasting,

 

This epic role to such a colossal degree?

 

They'll choose someone unfamiliar with fasting,

 

For the lead in the next remake of Gandhi.

 

 

VERSE 8

 

Or consider the masterwork of Robin Williams.

 

I speak, of course, about his portrayal of Popeye.

 

Using this new mindset when casting for films,

 

The new character could likely have 2 good eyes.

 

 

CHORUS

 

I could have played Khan,

 

I could have played Khan,

 

If they can cast an Arian,

 

Who looks like a librarian,

 

And speaks like his name is Sean.

 

Then I sure as hell could have played Khan.

 

 

VERSE 9

 

I’m convinced that deep inside my soul,

 

Is a performance worthy of an Oscar.

 

That's why I'm holding out for the role,

 

Of Marta, the Brazilian Queen of Soccer.

 

 

The End

 

 

Copyright © Michael Kimbro 2017. All rights reserved.