January 21, 2006 - With so much of the sports press focused on David Beckham's move from Real Madrid to the Los Angeles Galaxy of the MLS, it's time to talk about that cool little creation called "The Designated Player."
And I've been talking it up as much as anyone with friends and co-workers, in an effort to understand if there's a good chance that The Beckham's will fill the soccer stadiums where ever they go. And this is really what I've been trying to do all along, fill the MLS stadiums with fans, so why should I have any problem with the MLS execs drawing attention to the sport of soccer through this designated player thing.
With Adidas footing the lions share of the bill, I'm predicting they are about to unveil "the mother of all advertising campaigns." Adidas has a masterpiece conceived, and they needed a relatively fresh pair of new faces to bring their message to the American audience.
And let's face it, the British markets are over saturated with "all things Beckham," so a move to Hollywood is probably the next natural step in his ascension to the ultimate superstardom, where the air is so rarified that the following words must surely be included in his epitaph:
More than just an athlete......he truly transcended sports
To show just how big David has been in the culture of English soccer, the best example I can cite is found in the February 2003 issue of FourFourTwo Magazine. Let's file this one under the heading:
"La vie est si injuste." translation: "Life is so unfair."
Frenchman Robert Pires is awarded the British Football Writers' 'Footballer of the Year' for a great year with Arsenal, and 442 puts together a nice piece documenting his success. Wonderful article, but I can't help but wonder how Pires felt when he noticed that Mat Snow, then the editor at FourFourTwo, included in the same issue a TWO page feature on, of all people...Beckham's BARBER:
Under the spirit of full disclosure, I must admit that all was brought even the following year when 442 editor Hugh Sleight posted a little piece about Pires' dentist, Dr. Antony Pulli. No kidding, page 48 of the 07/2004 issue!
Frankly, I've considered Beckham's American Invasion Plan at length, and the only adjustment I can recommend to might be in the area of "Bling".
While I've heard that crossdressing is all the rage in England, Beckham needs to understand that it won't be tolerated over here in The Colonies. Fortunately the memory of crossdressing's last assault on our sensibilities is still fresh in my mind, for in the '80's and '90's we were subjected to a cultural attack which also had it's origins in California. After the '70's TV series 'Mash' pioneered this perversion, Hollywood agents took it to the next level by convincing actors like Robin Williams, Dustin Hoffman and Wesley Snipes that their careers wouldn't be truly complete until they'd performed a leading role while dressed in women's clothing. ;~) Luckily this was a time when there were plenty of Star Wars and Star Trek and Aliens viewing available during that time so I didn't have to lower my high entertainment standards.
The bottom line here: That thing adorning David's ear in the photo above has got to go. But that's easily remedied with an upgrade to a manly "T. O." sized single diamond in the ear...whichever ear it involves...I'm still not quite clear how all that works. **
Taking a bigger picture view of things from a business angle, the way that the two brands involved here are benefiting each other brings to mind the word 'synergy.' So, predicting a surge in Victoria's popularity, I'd recommend that The Beckham's buy up the rights to all that "Spice Girls" music. But that would be a waste of money...and time. But seriously, the planets are in alignment for Victoria to hit it big with a duet with an "American Idol" star, or better still...Don Henley of 'The Eagles." Something different, very serious, like a cover of Henley's "The Heart of The Matter." That could work at so many levels.
Note to Don & Victoria: How about credits: "Inspiration and Illumination: Mike Kimbro" ;~)
Now let's get back to soccer. For those who feel that Beckham will bring to LA a history of goal scoring, take a look at the graphic at right from the 2001-003 seasons, a time which was closer to the apex of Beckham's career:
Sorry, but no, goal production at the Galaxy will not spike upward next season with this move. The stats speak for themselves...1 goal every 3 matches...playing for one of the most dominant teams on the planet. And I'm thinking that a large portion of those goals were scored off of the set piece, which we all know is Beckham's bread and butter. I can't help but wonder who has been handling those tasks for the Galaxy as of late. It doesn't really matter, since they didn't make the play-offs last season, so that job was likely up for grabs anyway.
I don't really need to put any of David Beckham's efforts on display here, because we've seen his free kicks rise and curve and drop, with a mix of long crosses and shots taken from 25 yards out.
OK, just one video of Beckham bending it won't hurt:
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Source above: FourFourTwo Magazine, Feb. 2003 Issue
Finally, for those who are scratching their heads wondering about Robert Pires, let me simply say that if you aren't familiar with Pires style of midfield play then you may not be fully aware why some refer to soccer as "the beautiful game." Check out the following samples of the effect of Pires presence on the pitch:
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Obviously, all this talk about The Beckhams of Los Angeles is nothing more than a not so subtle petition for bringing Robert Pires to FC Dallas as our designated player. To me, Pires represents everything that soccer can become...if entertaining and creative play is encouraged by the rules changes which are on the way. Ultimately, I'd rather see developing young players attempting to "Play Midfield like Pires" instead of trying to "Bend it like Beckham."
But what are the prospects of getting Pires to come to FC Dallas? Probably just slightly greater than those of getting my other first choice:
Alan Shearer
My flexibility on this issue is already on record. If neither of my 1st Choices are available, I'll settle for a Brazilian, like say Ronaldinho or Adriano:
But rumor has it that the big dogs at FC Dallas have had Dutchman Edgar Davids in their sights for designated player. That's cool, since he is a primary player in one of my favorite soccer photos:
I guess you'd say that Davids is the gropee, while Germany's Jens Jeremies is the groper.
Phtoto Credit: FourFourTwo Magazine July 2004 edition
The only fly in the ointment can be found in the graphic at right.
I am very concerned that being previously associated with an unsavory group like Juventus might send the wrong message to the youth of America. Match fixing is not a cancer which we want to import into the MLS, so I'm hoping that the Italian investigation looked at Juventus soccer all the way back to the 2000-2001 season, so we can be sure that Davids didn't benefit from this violation of the public trust.
Is the following an example of hard hitting sports journalism? Hardly. Davids' highest # of professional appearances is with Juventus, yet no mention of the infamous club in the following:
Image Credit: World Soccer Magazine, February 2004 issue
Just kidding! No really, it's been a long time since the drug involvement, and all has been forgiven and forgotten.
OK, that's about as much fun as I can possibly have with this particular subject. Again, as long as a great deal more MLS tickets are sold than would have normally been sold, I'm in. Anyway, I've got to get cleaned up and over to the Trinity Hall Pub in Dallas for the big match between Arsenal and Man.U (2-1). I was over there yesterday for that Liverpool v. Chelsea match (2-0).
Go Gunners,
"Multitudinus" Mike Kimbro
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Following is my favorite player to ever wear an Juventus jersey, my daughter Britt, playing in goal during her junior year of high school for the club soccer team Texas Image '83 during the 2000 Spring Classic Tournament in Dallas, TX...definitely good times.
** If he's serious about optimizing his marketability in America, I suggest that Beckham expand into a manly outdoor activity like say fishing. In no time flat he's featured on the cover of "Field and Stream", which enjoys a readership which spans the gambit between ditch digger and CEO. After a year or so of taking part in 2 or 3 of the big bass fishing competitions, he'll have 'paid his dues' in the eyes of the common man. And that's when he can make his big move.
Here's the idea: He can endorse a line of fishing lures, and then put those ears to work as the ultimate advertising platform.
Now for a guy like myself who was exposed to fly fishing at an early age, the evolution of this brainstorm is so obvious. Any fly fisherman who's ever cast a wooly worm has thought about tying his own flies. The bottom line here is that David's desire to create his own fishing lures would be viewed as 'only natural' by the fishing community, allowing Beckham to reap the financial benefits of designer, producer, and promoter. In no time flat he'll be challenging us to:
Catch 'em like Beckham!
Of course he'd have to take the lures out during the actual soccer matches, but I don't think there's any rules which prohibit the wearing of jewelry during warm-ups, so those lures could benefit from maximum exposure. He might consider removing the barbs from the hooks.